Reflections

I looked back this morning through my journals for the year. Sometimes that's good and sometimes that's not so good. I guess it's all in the way you look at it. But I'm beginning to see a nice shift in my life for the better ~ mostly.

The only thing that I regret from the past year is letting go of God ~ as I knew and understood Him.

But in the hope of trying to move through my life without any regrets, I began to see this differently.

I couldn't find God with letting go of what I believed to be God.

Maybe that doesn't make a lick of sense whatsoever but to a person that understands the power of religion and the ability of illusions to deceive ~ that person will get it.

Putting it simply...

I had to destroy the house of cards to begin to build the house of stone.

This may be the slowest process and the biggest undertaking of my entire life but it may just be the one with the most gratifying results and the biggest reward.

Only time will tell.

Light at the end

Sometimes we wonder why things happen to us.

I've wondered just that for years now. The events that took place against our will and behind our backs at our old church have been a constant nagging in the back of my mind. But sometimes things just happen for our own good ~ even when it is devastating.

When I left that church I was empty and broken ~ mentally, physically, spiritually. I cried for God to fill the void in my soul almost everyday. I begged God to help me to find a new church family ~ one that would accept me and love me. The church has yet to come ~ and maybe never will. But the void, the hurt, the shame and the pain seems a distant memory.

Maybe I've finally found a way to forgive. I can't say that I've really forgiven any of them but it's all just easier now. Maybe the old saying that "it all gets better in time" is true. Or maybe, after all these years, I finally found a way to let go of the past and find my sense of self again.

No one has a right to tell you who you are. Never give another person/pastor/church that kind of power. You can think for yourself and make your own decisions in life. It's very hard after it's been stripped away but I'm living proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel.